I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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