Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
