How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
