uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Randomize
