My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Randomize
