then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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