You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
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