I'm so fucking centered right now
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
