i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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