i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
