So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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