What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
