Got a toothbrush?
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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