I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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