He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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