The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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