were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
