He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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