perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
