I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
