K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
