Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
