Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
