She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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