this beer tastes like vomit already
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
