"it" just moved
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
