there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
