If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
