If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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