this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
