we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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