Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
