What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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