I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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