Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
