Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Let's get the cat blown out
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize
