I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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