Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
