I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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