Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
