I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
