great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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