then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
