how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
