he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
