Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
