I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
