we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
