If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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