Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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